Tradewars Web Page Union – A little slice of Americana

Sunday, April 1, 2001

New Tradewars: Dark Millenium Screenshots! by mk

Realm Interactive announced the completion of their new AN SI (Algorythmic Neccessary Social Insemination) technology. Created by Realm with help from the many programers and artists at ACiD, they promise that they will begin licensing this new technology to other companies so that everyone can benefit.

Jeff Moriarty, president of Realm Interactive said the following, “Using our new ANSI echnology with our already existing Smart Pointer framework(tm) will give us unpresidented graphical power in our programs.”

This power can already be seen. To the left, we have an excusive screenshot of a ship from Tradewars:Dark Millenium rendered using ANSI. The Realm logo displayed here along with the ship, appear exactly as they will in game. Truely a marvelous time for graphic junkies.

The Stardock to merge with AOL-Time Warner by mk
Today, an announcement was made by The StarDock/Home Sector enterprises that they would be completing a hostle takeover of AOL-Time Warner, effectively merging with the company. This comes after The Stardock’s sweeping victories and merges with Tradewars.ws and Intergate technologies. Fuseblown, the official bitch of the tradewars community, had the following to say about the buyout.“We believe that this merger is in the best interests of the entire human species. The next stage of Human evolution is upon us, and only the strong will be left to survive.”

Eleqtrizi’T, now owner of the biggest corporation in the world, changed his title from “CEO and Sex God” to “L’Emperor,” a title once bestowed on the great Napoleon. He also announced that the name of this merged company will be changed to America On-The-Stardock (AOTS). Stock closed today up $5.15

But all is not well in this new company’s land. Protestors gathered today at the company’s headquarters in Fresno, CA after the announcement was made. One such protestor was Joel “Steve” Gonzales who currently runs one of The Stardock’s rival companies, Tradewars.org. “By naming himself “L’Emperor,” Eleqtrizi’T has shown just how boastfull and conceted this merger had made him. … Well, he acted like this before, so I guess you could say he’s just being himself.”

Analysts believe that Eleqtrizi’T will now set his sites on LumCorp, after which he will own 95% of the world. To our new future world leader, we here at TWWU say this, “Don’t listen to that Joel guy! You’re just a nice person!”