First, the Real News:
Home Sector relocates

The Home sector has relocated to Pir8.net, update your bookmarks!

Pir8.net Reset

Pir8.net has reset. Nuff said.

Tips.bbs

Weasel has posted some information on why tipsbbs has gone down and what’s in store for the future. Go Read it.

TWAR released tommorrow

TWAR for Windows has a tentatively set release date for tommorrow. So get your credit cards ready. I’ll try to set up a mirror when it comes out.

Now, the fake news:
April fools comes six months early!

I originally wanted to post these Thursday, but my C++ Compiler and my car had other plans. I therefore submit to you, these parodies:

Nik to Sue Himself

In breaking news today, Nik has announced that he will be suing himself. “I caught myself saying, ‘Attac suxs,’ and if anyone should be suing this person, it should be me.” Will Smith, Nik’s lawyer, has said to TWWU that, “This is a remarkable case that I think that has the potential of creating new paradigms in how law is done.”
With the expected money Nik is expecting to make with this case, he’s told us that he’s already making plans to port ATTAC to Machine Language. “I plan to forgo the limitations of Visual Basic, and intend to port ATTAC straight to Machine Language. This should cut the size of ATTAC from 7 Megs to 6, and is going to be made a reality by this impending lawsuit.”

Human Population to evolve before TWE’s release

Recent studies have given an interesting turn to TWEnhancer’s development. The studies states that the Human population will evolve to a higher state of being before TWEnhancer will be released. “Even though humans will be living in a state of pure energy, I will still try to release TWEnhancer in case any would be aliens ever find out about Tradewars and need a good helper. That way, those Aliens would elevate me to god status, and then I’d make $$$ for the registrations.” said Saluki. Saluki Enterprises is an invester in TWWU.

Nik’s 2002 Web Heaven Blasted…. Literally

Late last night, Nik’s 2002 Web Heaven’s server was blasted by a Nuclear Missle. Fortunatelly, Both Nik and Earth had left 1 hour prior to the Missle’s impact. The IP header retrieved on the Missle points to a band of Gypsies living in the country of Azi, located in North America. Ricardo Gin, the leader of Azi, has said, “This is absurd that we’re being pointed to for this Attac. If we sent out this missle, it obviously would have been while Nik would have been AT the site! Think about it people!” Further investigations are being planned.